WALT write a timed recount about a time when we did something special with our whanau or family.
· when and where you did something special
· who was with you
· what you did (think about the order you did things)
· how you felt and why you felt this way.
By Jonathan Rapson
One day I went to a hill. It was big. I couldn’t believe it and me, mum and dad walked up the hill. It was a long walk. We saw a fence. It said sheep. We opened the gate. Sheep were everywhere. There was glowing green grass. It was soft and there was poo so we kept on walking. We came to a beautiful hotel. We stayed there to sleep. There they had cosy beds. They were coloured blue and green. The pillows were coloured white, good for my head. In the morning I woke up. Mum said, “We will be staying here for a couple more nights.”
“How many more?”
You have used some good describing words in your story.
Some of the shorter sentences could be joined together using a connective e.g. We came to a beautiful hotel and we stayed there to sleep.
There they had cosy beds that were coloured blue and green.